I'm feeling thoughtful...

I've never been one to keep my shit inside. I tend to volunteer my opinion at every available opportunity. Sometimes too often!
I'm in a strange mood. I'm thinking about our future, the world as a whole and my little family here in this flat too.
We have 3 cats, and each other of course. I like that. I like my little speck in this corner of my world. Our life, my Husband, our irritating animals (I love 'em but they do grate on me occasionally!) and our home. But I want more. I want my house to be ideal. My dream home.
This flat is perfect for us and our future but I want it to be nice. I want nice things, good furniture, I want to de-clutter and redecorate it really well.
I want children. Really soon. And I'm so excited to consider the new chapter we've started by getting wed and the next chapter when babies come along. When I think about my life I smile, and I couldn't have honestly said that a few years ago!
But there is ONE thing holding me back from this. ME.
I'm too big, whatever people say and however well I did to lose all of the weight I lost, I'm still not healthy or small enough. And I really do want to become the perfect woman for my Husband. I have a brilliant sense of humour, and a good personality (if I so say so myself!) and like I said, my opinions have always been forthcoming!! but I want to look and feel good and be confident within my own image, in my own body.
So what the freaking hell is stopping me? I don't know!
I don't have any motivation and if I'm honest, I'm BLOODY lazy when it comes to exercise.
I try, BELIEVE me I try. But I don't try enough. And I can't find anything to make me want to.

For some reason my own desire just isn't fucking enough...

Ciao.
x