Home Now - Changes?

Well I was right, got home and things were what I thought.

Miserable.

I need to leave, but I have no-where to go.

Bubs - rescue me?

WHAT?

I never know how to start these posts - inevitably I'm going to sound like a dick.

Do I care? Not so much. Should I care? Probably.

So we've been on holiday all week, going home tomorrow, and I've had a really relaxing time.

My Husband is a closed book. I know that, I have ALWAYS known that.

After our 2009 disaster he opened up for a while but slowly he is becoming more and more reclusive.

He needs work, of course that is a big part of the issue but I am not willing to accept that being the thing that keeps him over there and me over here and vice-versa. It's bull.

He either wants to let me in or he doesn't. It was a condition of me letting him back into my life but I can't get strict on that rule now! It's two years later, and too many tears have come and gone.

We will always have a black cloud. It is permanent. And people at some point (I'm sure, please?) will stop telling me it will go away and get better and the worst of all - I will get over it.

Fuck you. Walk in my shoes, tell me what to do. Don't know how I feel, stick it up your fucking back side with a sharp fucking stick.

I don't often get angry at honesty, it's something I wholeheartedly search for and have done every day of my life. More people should tell the ultimate truth.

However, I don't want opinions from people who I don't ask.

I don't know whether or not infidelity brings out a whole new side to the on-lookers, the vultures, the people who watch misery with tea and a blanket - but I felt eyes.

All the time - eyes. Whole painful eyes, staring at me, staring at him, staring at us an our marriage like they had a stake in it. A share in it. A RIGHT to it. Like their opinion was a poignant item in my decision making process. Like they were a part of our relationship and had a vested interest.

At some point the cloud MAY move. But right now I don't want to be told to put-up or shut-up.

I want to grieve sometimes, I want to wallow occasionally and this week wasn't one for that.

It was one for tranquility and peace and composure.

Home will hold something different I'm sure...

Libya - What would you do?

I am, with some fury, watching Question Time with specific relevance to Libya and the decision made by UN and other powers. (And because Kelvin Mackenzie can curdle milk with just a look from 20 paces!)

How dare we sit back, having caused some of this devastation with our own weapons, and watch Gaddafi brutalise and obliterate other human beings? These are PEOPLE.

If anything, the funding we have provided for their weapons are a reason to intervene.

We have no money as a country and we are NO super power - but this man is literally wiping out his people. It makes my heart break to watch women and children simply want to get out of a country so horrendously full of hate when I take for granted my freedom.

I complain everyday about what I don't have.

Can you imagine what it must be like to be herded around with a gun in your back?

Can you imagine not knowing if today is your last at the hands of the people who are supposed to run your country and protect you? Protect your family? Fight for you and your rights??

I don't believe our Government could ever get back on it's high horse (Nor do I believe, although somewhat differently than Gaddafi, that they fight for me), in fact I think it's probably long bolted with through the stable door while shut!

But put yourself in their shoes - Could you stand back and watch?

I don't think I could.